A weekend with children.

a.k.a. ICK!!!

So I babysat (?) for a ten y.o. and thirteen y.o. set of brothers this weekend while the parents were away. Four nights, three days, two boys, one massive headache.

It wasn't all bad, actually. We went to the beach, Hagg lake (Hajj lake, as I like to call it), saw Star Trek at the Bridgeport IMAX (LOVE that movie!!!), played a lot of wii, ate at Hales and Dancing Dragon (Chi-knee food), and had a lot of laughs.

HOWEVER!!! I have never been so disgusted with kids in my LIFE! I am hoping that this was the exception, but these boys could do NOTHING for themselves.

"Lee-suh, can you get me a popsicle?" No! get it yourself, lazy ass!

"Leeee-suh, can you buy me this video game ($60)?" HELL NO!

"Lee-suuuh, I don't want to carry my towel. Carry it for me." SHUT UP I HATE YOU.

"Lee-suuh, can you help me get my shoe on? (I'M STANDING WITH MY HANDS FULL, HE'S HALF HEARTEDLY SHOVING A FEW TOES INTO A WATER SOCK AND JUST STANDING THERE)" ...How about instead, I drop all this sh*t in my hands and give you a stiff right hook. That way, when you fall to the ground, you'll be that much closer to your stupid foot, and you can put your own damn shoe on!!!!!

At one point, I ignored them. Completely. For about five minutes. And I know this makes me a bad person, but I had a migraine, and we were at the lake, and they were asking asinine questions reapeatedly. So I just laid back in the sun, and pretended they didn't exist. And of course, after those five minutes, they stopped asking me questions, and I thought for sure they had drown... after that panicky sensation, I felt so guilty I kind of sucked up to them for about 30 minutes.

But, I did learn some things about myself from this experience:
1. If I do get knocked up (God FORBID), my kids will never, ever, ever, ever be lazy little f*cks that can't do anything for themselves.
2. I WOULD be a good mom. I think I would be one of those that lets the kid swim too far out, just so they could get a little scared, and think they were going to get eaten by a shark, and have the adrenaline rush of their life, and paddle like a mad-person back to shore. Builds character, I say.
3. I'm going to be an EXPENSIVE babysitter from now on.
4. I am WAYYYY to selfish to have kids ANY time soon.
5. I have a huge, undying respect for the moms out there that did/do a good job. *cough-maureenandcaitlin-cough*

All in all, I had an okay weekend. The emotional/mental/physical demand was huge, but it reminded me of how AWESOME my life is, and I don't think I'll take it for granted as much now. I love the fact that my day-to-day involves me cleaning up after myself, and catering to my own interests and desires, and only my own. It's pretty bad ass. I did get a free gas fill, and also a free everything-mentioned-above.

But, I did have to deal with a boy who hadn't shat for THREE WEEKS. I'm serious. I didn't even know it was possible... till I saw the poop of a small boy that was larger than the biggest two terds I've seen in my life combined. It was an experience, to say the least.

I hope their mom doesn't ever see this blog.