a.k.a. ICK!!!
So I babysat (?) for a ten y.o. and thirteen y.o. set of brothers this weekend while the parents were away. Four nights, three days, two boys, one massive headache.
It wasn't all bad, actually. We went to the beach, Hagg lake (Hajj lake, as I like to call it), saw Star Trek at the Bridgeport IMAX (LOVE that movie!!!), played a lot of wii, ate at Hales and Dancing Dragon (Chi-knee food), and had a lot of laughs.
HOWEVER!!! I have never been so disgusted with kids in my LIFE! I am hoping that this was the exception, but these boys could do NOTHING for themselves.
"Lee-suh, can you get me a popsicle?" No! get it yourself, lazy ass!
"Leeee-suh, can you buy me this video game ($60)?" HELL NO!
"Lee-suuuh, I don't want to carry my towel. Carry it for me." SHUT UP I HATE YOU.
"Lee-suuh, can you help me get my shoe on? (I'M STANDING WITH MY HANDS FULL, HE'S HALF HEARTEDLY SHOVING A FEW TOES INTO A WATER SOCK AND JUST STANDING THERE)" ...How about instead, I drop all this sh*t in my hands and give you a stiff right hook. That way, when you fall to the ground, you'll be that much closer to your stupid foot, and you can put your own damn shoe on!!!!!
At one point, I ignored them. Completely. For about five minutes. And I know this makes me a bad person, but I had a migraine, and we were at the lake, and they were asking asinine questions reapeatedly. So I just laid back in the sun, and pretended they didn't exist. And of course, after those five minutes, they stopped asking me questions, and I thought for sure they had drown... after that panicky sensation, I felt so guilty I kind of sucked up to them for about 30 minutes.
But, I did learn some things about myself from this experience:
1. If I do get knocked up (God FORBID), my kids will never, ever, ever, ever be lazy little f*cks that can't do anything for themselves.
2. I WOULD be a good mom. I think I would be one of those that lets the kid swim too far out, just so they could get a little scared, and think they were going to get eaten by a shark, and have the adrenaline rush of their life, and paddle like a mad-person back to shore. Builds character, I say.
3. I'm going to be an EXPENSIVE babysitter from now on.
4. I am WAYYYY to selfish to have kids ANY time soon.
5. I have a huge, undying respect for the moms out there that did/do a good job. *cough-maureenandcaitlin-cough*
All in all, I had an okay weekend. The emotional/mental/physical demand was huge, but it reminded me of how AWESOME my life is, and I don't think I'll take it for granted as much now. I love the fact that my day-to-day involves me cleaning up after myself, and catering to my own interests and desires, and only my own. It's pretty bad ass. I did get a free gas fill, and also a free everything-mentioned-above.
But, I did have to deal with a boy who hadn't shat for THREE WEEKS. I'm serious. I didn't even know it was possible... till I saw the poop of a small boy that was larger than the biggest two terds I've seen in my life combined. It was an experience, to say the least.
I hope their mom doesn't ever see this blog.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
oh, prose.
landing breathlessly, your scarlet chest heaves as you watch me watch you.
frozen; I delicately blink. you do not.
hyper-vigilant. even as you rest.
something so perfect about your cautious body captured by the lines of my window.
yet, you're the one that can fly.
i watch you recklessly fall backwards; wings spreading at just the right angle
to swoop you upwards
into your hidden treehouse.
my favorite neighbor.
frozen; I delicately blink. you do not.
hyper-vigilant. even as you rest.
something so perfect about your cautious body captured by the lines of my window.
yet, you're the one that can fly.
i watch you recklessly fall backwards; wings spreading at just the right angle
to swoop you upwards
into your hidden treehouse.
my favorite neighbor.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I am not that smart.
So today, I finally mustered up the motivation to get my ass (oh, did I tell you guys that my blog may get R rated at times?) to the gym. I would like to take credit for this, but the really the driving force was Dan (my roommate) had someone over, and I didn't want to meet them because I'm an antisocial person after an 8 hour review for NCLEX.
None the less, I get my said ass on my bike (I had a reallllly good parking spot and I didn't want to lose it - seriously.) and rode the 1.3 miles to the gym. Coasted is more like it, since the entire ride is downhill, and if I coast on my bike and don't pedal or use my brakes, I hit the green lights perrffff(ectly).
So, now at the gym, I start jump-roping (tough leg work out) for twenty minutes, and as i go to get water, I notice there's a spinning class at 7:30 - "only forty minutes away! I can kill 40 minutes! I'll just do this nifty running/stair-stepping/leg-MURDERING machine here!!!"
Then, beet red and sweaty (and smelly), I haul my tiiired butt into the spinning room, get on my bike, and recognize a girl (that I don't like that much) from school. Great. She's coming over to talk to me.... oh flip. She's putting her bike next to mine. mother f*er I don't want to talk to this b- "Oh yeah! I totally love spinning class! ... SUCH a good work out! ... Oh, what's his name? ... he hasn't called you yet? ... No I'm sure he will!!" ........
p.s. cute boy on my left
So, now the class starts and cute boy and annoying girl are spinning like PROFESSIONAL BIKERS!! ugh. gotta keep up.
60 minutes later, I'm about 20 pedal strokes away from death. I almost fell when we were getting off our bikes to stretch.
Finally, what a good work out. I can't wait to be home and shower and .......... i rode here. it's raining. and dark.
1.3 MILES OF COMPLETELY UPHILL DARK, WET ROADS.
I kind of can't feel the balls of my feet.
my legs are rubber.
I am not that smart.
None the less, I get my said ass on my bike (I had a reallllly good parking spot and I didn't want to lose it - seriously.) and rode the 1.3 miles to the gym. Coasted is more like it, since the entire ride is downhill, and if I coast on my bike and don't pedal or use my brakes, I hit the green lights perrffff(ectly).
So, now at the gym, I start jump-roping (tough leg work out) for twenty minutes, and as i go to get water, I notice there's a spinning class at 7:30 - "only forty minutes away! I can kill 40 minutes! I'll just do this nifty running/stair-stepping/leg-MURDERING machine here!!!"
Then, beet red and sweaty (and smelly), I haul my tiiired butt into the spinning room, get on my bike, and recognize a girl (that I don't like that much) from school. Great. She's coming over to talk to me.... oh flip. She's putting her bike next to mine. mother f*er I don't want to talk to this b- "Oh yeah! I totally love spinning class! ... SUCH a good work out! ... Oh, what's his name? ... he hasn't called you yet? ... No I'm sure he will!!" ........
p.s. cute boy on my left
So, now the class starts and cute boy and annoying girl are spinning like PROFESSIONAL BIKERS!! ugh. gotta keep up.
60 minutes later, I'm about 20 pedal strokes away from death. I almost fell when we were getting off our bikes to stretch.
Finally, what a good work out. I can't wait to be home and shower and .......... i rode here. it's raining. and dark.
1.3 MILES OF COMPLETELY UPHILL DARK, WET ROADS.
I kind of can't feel the balls of my feet.
my legs are rubber.
I am not that smart.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Guess what I'm having for breakfast tomorrow morning?
Beans and Mexican rice!!! Yumm!!!!
except for the fact that I cooked it on Cinco de Mayo, and have nothing else in my fridge (including milk), and have been too busy to go shopping, and this is the 5th morning in a row I've eaten it for breakfast, and I think it's kinda going bad, and it did give me a stomach ache this morning, and it really doesn't go well with my tea, and all I realllly want is my muesli & milk.
But I could have NO access to food at all, so for those poor Ethiopian children, I will savor every last (rotting) piece of rice as if it were a morsel of heaven. Promise!
except for the fact that I cooked it on Cinco de Mayo, and have nothing else in my fridge (including milk), and have been too busy to go shopping, and this is the 5th morning in a row I've eaten it for breakfast, and I think it's kinda going bad, and it did give me a stomach ache this morning, and it really doesn't go well with my tea, and all I realllly want is my muesli & milk.
But I could have NO access to food at all, so for those poor Ethiopian children, I will savor every last (rotting) piece of rice as if it were a morsel of heaven. Promise!
Because they say it's healthy to vent your frustrations...
Now, I'm not usually a mean-spirited person. I tend to find the best in people and forgive them their shortcomings in hopes that they are only doing the same for me.
HOWEVER...
Our ref tonight was a fat, stupid pig that couldn't make a decent call for the life of him, and truly lost the game for us... and I hate him.
Imagine a tie-breaker game, so intensely close that each rally incurs more excitement than the last. bam, killer block that Bam, got pancaked up by a dedicated woman mercilessly throwing herself on the floor then BAM the most beautiful recovered bump-set out to an outsider who SMASHED the ball only to be *BAM* dug by only a miracle, and a perfect set to me... and I put the mother flyer away like my mother's life depended on it. YAAAAAAA!!!!! *tweet*... *twee-tweeeeeet*... "double hit, on the setter"
WHAT?!?!?!?!? You good-for-nothing, ascites-bellied, beady-eyed, creepy-faced, sqatty little pitiful excuse for a man.
clearly, sir, you're drunk.
i hate you. we would have won the game if you had kept your breath of astonishment at the perfection of that play in your pathetic little lungs. Instead, you gave the ball to the other team, who was ALSO surprised at your call, and who thus continued to score two points, through a series of TWO MORE bad calls by who? YOU!!!!
Yes, I glared at you. with the meanest, most spiteful look I could give. And, considering my face was red as a beet (not in optimal shape here... and it WAS a tough game), I'm sure it was a face that reminded you a bit of satan. And indeed... satan did not hate you as much as I hated you at that moment.
But, I hope you drive home safe, and can reflect on the pain you caused, learn from it, and become a better ref...
I do hope you stub your toe on something though.
HOWEVER...
Our ref tonight was a fat, stupid pig that couldn't make a decent call for the life of him, and truly lost the game for us... and I hate him.
Imagine a tie-breaker game, so intensely close that each rally incurs more excitement than the last. bam, killer block that Bam, got pancaked up by a dedicated woman mercilessly throwing herself on the floor then BAM the most beautiful recovered bump-set out to an outsider who SMASHED the ball only to be *BAM* dug by only a miracle, and a perfect set to me... and I put the mother flyer away like my mother's life depended on it. YAAAAAAA!!!!! *tweet*... *twee-tweeeeeet*... "double hit, on the setter"
WHAT?!?!?!?!? You good-for-nothing, ascites-bellied, beady-eyed, creepy-faced, sqatty little pitiful excuse for a man.
clearly, sir, you're drunk.
i hate you. we would have won the game if you had kept your breath of astonishment at the perfection of that play in your pathetic little lungs. Instead, you gave the ball to the other team, who was ALSO surprised at your call, and who thus continued to score two points, through a series of TWO MORE bad calls by who? YOU!!!!
Yes, I glared at you. with the meanest, most spiteful look I could give. And, considering my face was red as a beet (not in optimal shape here... and it WAS a tough game), I'm sure it was a face that reminded you a bit of satan. And indeed... satan did not hate you as much as I hated you at that moment.
But, I hope you drive home safe, and can reflect on the pain you caused, learn from it, and become a better ref...
I do hope you stub your toe on something though.
Monday, May 11, 2009
New Delicious Dinner!
Hello Everyone,
I have a recipe I invented (?) tonight.
*all scales below are 0-10
Healthy Scale: 7
Yummy Scale: 8
Filling Scale: 7
Difficulty Level: Easy!!
Time to Cook: ~9 minutes
I call it... Broccoli Delight.
you will need:
-1 head of broccoli
-1 can of cream of mushroom soup
-1 can of tuna
-cheese
-garlic salt
-water... like. some.
how to do it:
1. fill one pot with water, cut broccoli into bite-sizish pieces. put broccoli in water (where else?) and boil. cook til al dente.
2. Meanwhile. empty can of mushroom soup into skillet. drain tuna and throw that in there too. Cut a hefty (1/2 inch?) piece of cheese off the block, and cut into little pieces. put that in the skillet too. and a dash of garlic salt (not too much, as soup mix is already salty)
3. now, you're gonna make this skillet business hot, and add water so it's a the consistency of runny snot... bad analogy? okay... then kind of alfredo sauce texture. but it's going to be chunky (tuna) and sticky (melted cheese). cook till the cheese is melted and it bubbles if you're not stirring it.
4. strain broccoli. add about 1/3 of the skillet sauce over the top of the broccoli.
5. eat.
6. love.
so, i eat one whole head of broccoli, and saved the sauce for take-two's (leftovers). However, if you're feeding more than your hungry, creative self... more broccoli, as it is sort of the pasta, and the cheese-tuna-mushroom sauce is sauce. It's great. I loved it. You will too.
and yes, i'm back.
I have a recipe I invented (?) tonight.
*all scales below are 0-10
Healthy Scale: 7
Yummy Scale: 8
Filling Scale: 7
Difficulty Level: Easy!!
Time to Cook: ~9 minutes
I call it... Broccoli Delight.
you will need:
-1 head of broccoli
-1 can of cream of mushroom soup
-1 can of tuna
-cheese
-garlic salt
-water... like. some.
how to do it:
1. fill one pot with water, cut broccoli into bite-sizish pieces. put broccoli in water (where else?) and boil. cook til al dente.
2. Meanwhile. empty can of mushroom soup into skillet. drain tuna and throw that in there too. Cut a hefty (1/2 inch?) piece of cheese off the block, and cut into little pieces. put that in the skillet too. and a dash of garlic salt (not too much, as soup mix is already salty)
3. now, you're gonna make this skillet business hot, and add water so it's a the consistency of runny snot... bad analogy? okay... then kind of alfredo sauce texture. but it's going to be chunky (tuna) and sticky (melted cheese). cook till the cheese is melted and it bubbles if you're not stirring it.
4. strain broccoli. add about 1/3 of the skillet sauce over the top of the broccoli.
5. eat.
6. love.
so, i eat one whole head of broccoli, and saved the sauce for take-two's (leftovers). However, if you're feeding more than your hungry, creative self... more broccoli, as it is sort of the pasta, and the cheese-tuna-mushroom sauce is sauce. It's great. I loved it. You will too.
and yes, i'm back.
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